verse
"Our great desire is that you wil keep right on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true."
Hebrews 6:11
lost hammer
In frustration, I've somehow lost the one and only hammer I've ever purchased. I'm so frustrated because, I have several things I need to put on the walls: two pictures for bathroom, the angel ornament that I received for "Happy Tech Week," and a really cheap wall clock I got at Jewel for $6.99. cheap, but it does the job.
Where, oh where, is my hammer? Where did it go? My new apartment needs this piece of equipment.
Holiday party forgoer: or not
Yesterday I got invited to Dawn Kreshevich's Christmas party. Dawn is a woman I know from Loyola's post-bacc program. She is applying to med school this next year. Same as me, it took her longer to apply than what originally attended--it's tough, financially esp. I think that is the trouble that both Dawn and I had. Currently she is a manager (she has some big projects) for a company in Evanston.
I'm really excited to go to Dawn's party, no idea why. It's going to be all non-Christians there! It's this Saturday night. I can't wait to go, talk to Dawn's friends.
Jewel IS making my life easier
In case one is not from Chicago, the grocery store "Jewel" has a slogan, "making life easier." I discovered there is an even closer Jewel to my house than the Wilmette Jewel. It is the Skokie Jewel, and it has much better selection. Plus, it's open later. Yea.
Yesterday I went there and bought so many things: wrapping paper, tea, groceries. Also, I needed an extension cord so I could reach the plug for my second microwave (why I have two microwaves--it's a long story). Since they didn't have the extension chord that I needed, I got a power strip with 10-foot chord instead; it was on sale. However, when I went to the register, it didn't come up with the preferred savings. So, they checked the price and gave it to me
for free. A $10.99 value, what a bargin!
Jewel is making my life easier. Thank you, Jewel. I will be a faithful customer for many years.
Holiday party forgoer
I have just decided to forgo two holiday parties: one on Dec 10, another on Dec 11. Plus, the ER party--I wasn't going to go anyway.
The ER party would be the only one I would go to, but it's just too expensive. I mean, I wouldn't want to go by myself, but then who would I bring? A big dilemna. It's too expensive to bring anyone-$50, unless it was husband or fiance or someone. The other two parties are all Christians, and I just don't want to go to them.
angels in the E.R.
After working six months in the E.R., one thing I know for sure: God sets me up.
E.R. presents
"Happy Tech week," a made-up week by our E.R. manager, left me with movie tickets and presents from an anonymous E.R. nurse. Actually, it is okay, I got a bunch of candy and some Christmas socks, plus lotion, "body splash," and shower gel from Bath & Body works, AND an angel Christmas ornament. She (I assume it was a female nurse, I don't think a guy could pick out things like this, not to be prejudice) put one of the white E.R. labels on the angel with my name "Julia."
It's a little cheesy, but okay. Since I have started working at the E.R., I have 7 free movie tickets. I started recieving them in April, and I have not even used any of them. With all of the stress of working in the E.R., I need to go out to have quality entertainment, forget about work for a while.
another quote
"Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone in our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy...He who is alone with his sins is utterly alone." --Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Found in John Ortberg's book (see below) the seventh chapter called "Life Beyond Regret: the Practice of Confession."
quote for the week
"It is one thing to speak to God. It is another thing to listen. When we listen to God, we receive guidance from the Holy Spirit." --John Ortberg, The Life You've Always Wanted, p. 132
there it is, pure and simple.
what we can learn from the princess bride
random thought today while walking into my apartment building. remember that guy from the movie "The Princess Bride"? (I saw it again a few months ago. great movie.) who kept saying, "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die" and that was his quest in life--to avenge his father's death by finding the man who had who killed his dad.
I was thinking about this movie character; his purpose, everything in his life was already prepared. His entire life he had spent to train for this one thing (that his heart ached for). Gosh, I am so Gen-X, but let me draw a parallel here.
Kierkegaard said, "Purity of heart is to will one thing," and I guess that's what makes this character so memorable, is his purity for one thing, one goal, that he trains for his entire life until finally it is completed.
Thus, if I could just find that one thing, the "mission" for what I should do (not that it will be as interesting as avenging the death of my father; my father is still alive anyways). I mean, for what I was created to do.
Of course, I have goals and all, so that must not be what mission is about or else I would be satisfied. And most Christians would say, "To Glorify God," is what their mission is, but try to unpack that statement? What does that mean for me tomorrow, November 18, 2004?
the Lucky Ones
I would like to confront a relative on her materialism; it is sad because her problem is only getting worse, not better. At the same time, I am sitting in my living room, wearing the comfy new Hush Puppy black shoes I can wear to work (and I needed new black shoes, too) that she didn't want any more. I always recieve her "hand-me-downs" and getting clothes from her saves me money, since I don't have to go out and purchase them myself. These shoes are practically new, not even broken in really.
But I was just thinking, my gosh, the money that she spends of clothes could feed the country of Uganda. And in the back of my head, I'm remembering the words from a John Ortberg sermon, "Do you like acquiring things better than you like helping people who are starving to death?"
Funny, too, because I was just reading a passage in my Bible, "I want you to share your food with the hungry and to welcome poor wanderers into your homes. Give clothes to those who need them..." (Isa. 58:7)
Two thoughts on this passage. My first thought is--we are the lucky ones--commanded to share our food with the hungry (what joy that is!) and to welcome poor wanderers into our homes. 6 months of serving the poor in the emergency room, my current job, has taught me this. what absolute joy. It's the rest of the world, so caught up in his or her goals to purchase the most expensive cars, homes, etc. that, ironically, misses the boat! Instead (s)he is consumed with purchasing things (s)he is decieved into thinking will bring him/her fun and joy, when it's fun and joy to serve the poor and help the oppressed, quite frankly. Join God's mission.
My second thought is--Wow, in this North suburb of Chicago--most people are way past "needing clothes." I think most (not all though) people around here worry about needing Gucci bags and Prada shoes! WAY past needing clothes!
And I pray: even if I become a doctor, help me not to think that I will ever need Gucci or Prada (even if other doctors have these things) or a BMW to be fulfilled. Help me not to waste my life on these things.
be at peace with your apartment
I think I have finally come to peace with the brown carpeting in my current apartment (or is it brown? it's not tan or beige, but it's not very dark either. in my opinion, it is the color of dust, a sort of light brown color). Sure, the landlords would install this color since it hides dirt and stains, but they don't have to live with it's ugly neutralness everyday. I have decided that it is okay though.
As long as I can have the furniture and everything else the color I want, the brown carpet is not that noticeable. Plus, after living here for six weeks, I notice that after spilling pop and other food on it, the carpet does clean up well. I've learned--it is the color of dust, diet coke, and coffee!
more on saving private ryan movie
this morning I was thinking about the end of the movie. private ryan is saved, and also they preserve the bridge from being used to transport German tanks, but this is at the expense of the Captain's life. Also, I am struck by the character in the film, Jackson, the guy who prays, but that is another subject.
At the end of the movie, the Captain says to Private Ryan, "You were worth it," as he is dying; though wounded he is still able to fire at the enemy several more times with a handgun. Ironically, the Captain is wounded by the German soldier who they had decided, graciously, to let go. They told him to turn himself in as a prisoner of war, but instead he went "back into circulation." (When can you trust your enemy?
who knows.)
Anyway, many ideas can be generated from this movie, but today what really struck me were the ideas of submission to authority. For example, when the soldiers
finally find Private Ryan, tell him of the deaths of his 3 brothers, Ryan does not want to abandon his duty to preserve the bridge. Ryan doesn't want to deviate from the "mission" of the war (to win the war) from which he signed up, maybe to lose his life, in the first place.
Suddenly, stuck with this irony--that the group should risk all of their lives and lose two soldiers in the process to find this one soldier--one man asks the Captain, "What are your orders now, Captain?"
I guess
their mission did not make sense from the beginning, and was the opposite of winning the war. As one of his soldier's said when they were first told of the mission, "Fold
your entire company into another company. How can they do that?" "It wasn't my company, it was the army's, at least that's what they told me, the Captain said. "To risk all of their lives to ease the suffering of one mother."As one of the soldiers put it--they all had mothers, too!
For some reason, winning the war became secondary to saving Private Ryan. They didn't want to do it, and they all complained, but it was their orders and they all submitted.
In the end, Private Ryan kept them all to save the bridge since he would not leave, and the other soldiers could not leave either since it was their orders to save him. Perhaps the bridge would have been destoyed if not for those extra soldiers and the ideas of the Captain. In the movie (and I do realize that it is only a movie), they almost destroy the bridge, but then the American reinforcements arrive just before they have a chance to.
So really it is Private Ryan who is leading them, and without Private Ryan staying, and thereby keeping the other soldiers with him, perhaps they would not have saved the bridge, and thus helped win the war.
the Holiday party: "yes" or "no"?
got an invitation to the Holiday party for the emergency department, which is where I work in the hospital. I'm not sure if I should go. It is Friday December 10, and I do have that night off. It is at a hotel in the North Shore, and my dinner choices are: filet mignon, grilled salmon, or chicken picatta (whatever chicken picatta is, I'm guessing some type of stuffed chicken).
I'm tempted to go just for the food, because hey, it's complimentary for E.R. personnel and it sounds
really good. who wants to go by themself though? But if I bring another person, it is $50 for them, no joke. The food sounds awesome though.
prophetic enough
When I was at a former church, I always felt like I had to make great strides to grow in the prophetic, and I was very restless about it. I always felt like I wasn't prophetic enough, for some reason. probably because I was never invited to do public prophetic ministry. I guess I felt that then I would "arrive" if I was invited to do that.
At this new congregation I am attending, I no longer feel like I have to make these strides, or I don't feel this pressure, or something. I guess I feel that I am prophetic enough--any more than this currently would be overwhelming. Actually, sometimes I do even feel overwhelmed...why would God tell me such-and-such? sometimes I would rather not know. But I know it is for my own personal benefit or protection, or the benefit or protection of the body. And the prophetic or discernment gift goes with me where ever I go--to the Non-Christian world, which is where it belongs, too (hey, non-Christians need to be exhorted, too. everybody needs words of truth).
I guess now I am
satisfied, and trusting in the Giver of this gift. Also, I think it works together with other gifts, such as leadership and encouragement.
Prophetic leadership, that's what I have interest in, though I'm not sure exactly where it will take me. (California, Florida, or the Caribbean, I hope!)
God's gracious gifts
today I am thinking just how gracious God is to me--this week I choose to work 6 days in a row, 2 shifts overtime at the hospital. Usually, I will only take one overtime shift, which I learned that I could balance well.
Despite these mistakes, this workaholism, I found that God was so gracious to me as soon as I acknowledge my mistake and asked for His help. Despite being overwhelmed, I actually had two very good days working in the hospital, when usually I would feel so much pressure and be more agitated with people I work with when overwhelmed.
Because I repented, I didn't feel this way. I felt the burden was off; I made a mistake, but I recognized it and I had turned the other way--I planned not to work so much overtime (just felt a little insecure about the finances this month). I plan not to make this mistake again, even though it is a struggle for me.
Mongolia
today a man came in from Mongolia. I was glad that he did, because then we all got talking about Mongolia. It got me thinking about when some people I knew from college went to Mongolia and I prayed for them in the summer. I had a really good prayer time for them one morning when I was 20 years old, working at Honey Rock Camp.
Once you start praying for a place, maybe you are an addict, because when this person came in, it brought back all of these memories about Mongolia and the people who went there, my young (back then) missionary friends. Giving their lives at age 20, all their health, etc. on the alter. Now they are all probably married and settled down, but I hope they still lead radical lives in their own way. It's like I cared about Mongolia and the people there since I had prayed for them summers ago.
If I never get married though, I keep thinking about how I'm going to have to do something radical, like go deliever babies in Madagascar, or something, because I'm going to have so much
spare time on my hands if I don't get married and have children. I don't think I would just live in the suburbs!
thoughts on justice
today Dr. Y mentioned something that "justice goes both ways." that we are happy when it goes our way, when we are the recipient, but justice doesn't show a prejudice--or
it wouldn't be justice. It goes both ways, we could be on either side.
Hmm, deep thoughts. When the Dr. said that, it almost took my breathe away, literally. I'd like to meditate on justice--grace I've thought often about, but justice. I long for
justice. A God who is gracious and just.
What if you have been on the other side of justice? a.k.a. oppressed
I would like to do a Bible study on the justness of God. Maybe I will have to consult my friend for Wheaton, Amy's husband, Kris, who is attending Notre Dame law school, he should know something about justice.
dream
I have a wound on my neck. Actually, it is the same wound that an E.R. patient had the other day. The nurse looked at it (it takes a lot to gross out an veteran E.R. nurse, too) and said, "Ew, that's gross." Actually, it was not that gross in my dream, it was just in the same pattern, the same cut marks that the patient had.
Then the doctor I work for, Dr. Y, comes to sew up the wound. Either that or I go to him and it is his job to sew up the wounds--can't remember exactly, even though it was last night!
This dream feels very prophetic to me, although I'm not exactly sure what it means. Clearly, Dr. Y represents Jesus, doctors always do in dreams. The neck seems symbolically important, holding the head up--thoughts or mind. My thoughts/mind was sick and Dr. Y was his job to sew up this wound.
quote
I read a quote I could relate to!!!
"The other day, I sat with a counselor for a few hours. I must have voiced some doubts; some hesitation about my value. This guy looked at me and said, 'I don't think you know very much about the love of God.' Silence. Gulp. I kinda thought I knew a lot about the love of God." Angela Thomas
esp. the, "silence, gulp. I thought I knew a lot about the love of God." she's surprised.
Millionaires are everyday taxpayers like you and me
had lunch today with my sister's friend Adam, and a fellow partner in crime from Baltimore, MD, so it was the four of us. am not going to make a habit of hanging out with these
unchurched people, but I think Jesus would have lunch with a millionaire. sure, why not.
Actually, Adam is Jewish. So also was his friend, though he was also French Canadian. Actually, I found the conversation to be interesting and enjoyable. We discussed politics (Adam, obviously distraught from Kerry's loss, though his friend was for Bush and a Republican), socialized medicine, medicaid, welfare, and taxes. Also, I learned somewhat of Adam's friend--on his third marriage (count them--three wives!) and is only age 42, has a 17-year-old daughter, Taylor, his oldest child, played division I football for Penn State in college, and lives only 10 minutes away in Washington D.C. from his biological father, a seventy-year-old man, whom he has never met (whew, talk about baggage).
After all of this introduction, I realize I forgot to mention one person, Willie, Adam's 14-year-old (in people years) chocolate lab. He sat outside of the bar, very friendly. A two-year-old boy with his grandpa (or maybe his father, who knows!) walked up to Willie and petted him, it was so adorable. I also fed Willie some sweet potato fries and he enjoyed them.
I found the conversation to be enjoyable, pleasant, a breath of fresh air. Good to talk to some of my fellow hardworking Americans. Can get so caught up in Christian subculture sometimes.
What I learned is that millionaires are ordinary taxpayers like you and I, only with better cars. Adam works hard for his millions, travels constantly, gets phone calls during Sunday lunch, and has a great deal taken away (taxes). And they also have the everyday problems that everyone else has, too.
proud to be an American today
At the hospital (work), at Dunkin Donuts, everywhere I go..It's all "Did you vote?" Waaaaaay different from other election years. 1996, 2000, I feel proud to be an American today b/c today people cared; it's like patriotism replaced cynicism today, yea.
Sometimes I don't know what to think about politics, mostly I am not interested. I have to say though, that the most profound comment on politics that I've heard came from the shuttle bus driver to drive me home tonight--imagine that, of all sources, college professors, medical doctors, everyone--I think the shuttle bus driver has the most sense!
Was talking to my nurse friend from Iran the other day at work. All I have to say is, Born American...blessed. those three words. If you are born middle-class American (which I am) you are blessed.
Harrod and Funck song
something I'm so excited about, but is difficult to even put in words. One month ago, I went back to Wheaton for my 5 year reunion with class of 99. The "late night" concert (a.k.a. 10 p.m.) was one half of the old Wheaton college band, Jason Harrod.
No doubt, Jason played all of these songs, a number of new ones, and many I had never heard before. It was practically worship, even the songs not nec. about God, like this one song, I wish I could remember the exact words...
Anyway, for this one song, I could not believe it, but
This homecoming ended up being a very special time for me, with memories that I will in for a while.
unsafe
Today, I am walking through the parking lot at 10p.m., not usually where I park my car, but I realize--this is totally UNSAFE. Not a soul to be seen anywhere, and I'm all by myself. So, I told myself, even if I am running late, I should park in the safer lot (it is farther away though) where the shuttle will drop me right at my car, and waits for me to start my car even.
This other parking lot, though it is closer, made the hair on the back of my neck stand up (practically) when I am walking by myself through it. It was vacant, abandoned...
